percentages and leakages

Categorization is finished! Yes (without, however, the help of the people, by the people, for the people)!

I was about to start this blog with an “Ever wonder why…”, but I decided not to because it felt too mundane or humdrum or banal.

English sentence patterns, anyone? Just a heads up. I’m trying to use a wider variety of sentence patterns to make my blog posts more interesting to read. So, here is yet another grammar lesson!

General statement (idea) : specific statement (example).

Both are independent clauses. Here’s an example.

• I ate a banana: It was delicious.

Yeah, to my surprise, I think the capitalization in the specific statement is necessary.

Let’s begin by talking about cellphones. With all this craze about iPhones and smart phones and intelligent phones and sentient phones and whatnot, I wonder when society as a whole will move on, just like we did when we got the first telegram. (Transatlantic chess matches have never been better.) I, myself, am part of this craze as well, but, of course, to a much lesser degree. It’s just that it’s quite fun to flick your fingers across the screen and see your music list dart up and down like an overhyped puppy or, for that matter, an adorable Scottish Fold.

And let’s continue on with massages.

Tell me about perfection. Wow. That deserves a hundred and five percent.

Talking about percentages, it’s an interesting concept, especially when they’re used for grades. Let’s say, for instance, that Mark’s English grade is currently an A-; he has a 91.5.

Ninety-one point five out of hundred, right? But what does that mean? He has a near hundred percent in English, but what does that tell about Mark? That he may be interested in learning the hidden themes of Brave New World that even Huxley, himself, had no intention in putting it in? (Woah, I said that Lenina can be a metaphor for the 21st century’s overly flirtatious woman? Awesome.)

No, I believe the use of percentage as a means to show a student’s academic performance has gone astray. We sometimes say things without having second thoughts about it. For instance, “I’m thirsty” in Korean literally translates to “My neck is dry.” (Now give meh lotion to moisturize mah dra epidermis.) Same thing with percentages.

Mark: Hey, what’d you get for that project?

Jacob: Man, I totally bombed that one; I got a B+. (FYI, this is KOREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.)

M: Seriously? My grade dropped down to a 92.4; I’m so pissed off right now.

Notice how the number of A’s in the word “KOREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” is 17, equivalent to the number of O’s in the title of my blog. But aside from that, this 92.4 has taken on an entirely new meaning. It’s the tug of war between an A- and an A, where a single harmless-looking minus could later on force colleges to reject you for that son of a gun who didn’t have that minus in his college résumé.

What we need is a list of adjectives describing our performance:

• In-fudging-credible
• Very good
• Meh (Don’t ask me if this is an adjective.)
• Poor (Yeah, I somehow happen to know about your family’s financial crisis.)
• Unacceptable

I really don’t like how the conventional list goes something along the lines of this:

• Excellent
• Very good
• Good
• Okay
• Poor

What always bugged me was that “Okay” was fourth in line. Wait wha-. From what I’ve heard since I was conceived upon this earth (kinda sucks how we have to wait here on good ol’ earth till we get our ticket to heaven or hell), okay was the middle guy. Okay was the kind of dude who was not too much of a dork but, unfortunately, didn’t manage to suck up enough of those Alpha genes from his mediocre family tree, with its most exciting event to fame probably being that single tree which Jesus couldn’t hold and took a leak on. (Fasting for a month without ever taking a leak? Or at least that’s what I heard. Heh.) Being God’s son and all, he probably would’ve foreseen the dangers of holding one’s piss for too long.

Check this out on how to professionally hold your pee pee when there’s no bathroom nearby.

Woah, I just realized that the word “phone” has a really weird spelling. P-h-o-n-e. Weird.

categorization and gluteus maximus

Categorization is a pain in the gluteus maximus.